No One But Us

This was recently sent to me by a good friend. I found it a very empowering poem, especially if you feel inadequate because of past failures and mistakes.

No One But Us
by Annie Dillard

There is no one but us.
There is no one to send,
Nor a clean hand,
Nor a pure heart
On the face of the earth,
Nor in the earth
But only us,
A generation comforting ourselves
With the notion
That we have come at an awkward time,
That our innocent fathers are all dead –
As if innocence has ever been –
And our children busy and troubled,
And we ourselves unfit, not yet ready,
Having each of us chosen wrongly,
Made a false start, failed,
Yielded to impulse
And the tangled comfort of pleasures,
And grown exhausted,
Unable to seek the thread,
Weak, and involved.
But there is no one but us.
There never has been.

From the book Holy the Firm by Annie Dillard

Classifying people as allies or enemies

I just read an insightful little quote:

"Humans classify people based on whether they are likely to be an ally or enemy."

It was in a Newsweek article about people's voting habits, but it seems to apply to so much more in life. More times than I can count I've experienced situations where showing a little sympathy and letting people know that you're on their side made a world of difference in their attitudes towards me.

By contrast, I recently responded to a technical proposal I read at work by emailing the person making the proposal some pointed questions about things I saw missing or poorly explained. My goal was to help them come up with a better and more reasonable proposal, but they clearly inferred from my comments that I was more likely to be an adversary than an ally for them and their ideas. That's one relationship that really got off on the wrong foot. Fortunately some other allies of mine were able to step in and smooth things over, and we're building a better working relationship now. A little older, a little wiser I guess. I'll now make it a point to present myself as a potential ally to people I meet whenever possible.

Accepting Leadership Roles

One of the characteristics of a mature adult is a willingness to accept roles of responsibilities in the community. Society requires people who are willing to accept such roles. It is said that one of the requirements of a well functioning democracy is a large pool of people willing to accept leadership roles when the situation requires it.

Accepting leadership roles in non-profit community organizations is also recognized as an important part of creating future opportunities for yourself. Not only do you gain experience and make good contacts, but managers of both profit and non-profit organizations look at experiences in community leadership when evaluating whether or not a person has a "leadership disposition".

With that in mind, it was an easy decision for me to accept the position of President of our local Unitarian Universalists congregation when I was recently asked to run for that office. There will be an election later this year, but that is mostly a formality and I will likely run unopposed. It’s a big time commitment and a little scary, but there is no doubt in my mind that the experience will be extremely valuable for anything I decide to do afterwards. I’m also excited about the new ideas and programs I can help introduce and help the organization grow and flourish. It’s a wonderful group of people and a wonderful organization to work with. I believe that a progressive religion such as this can be a real benefit to people’s lives, and an important part of the solutions to some of our world’s problems. It's also an important counterweight to religious fundamentalism. Wish me luck!

21 Suggestions for Success

Here's something I copied down a while ago and recently came across while looking through some old files. I forgot how good it was.

21 Suggestions for Success - by H. Jackson Brown

1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your hapiness or missery
   
2. Work at something you enjoy, and that's worthy of your time and effort.
   
3. Give people more than they expect and do it chearfully
   
4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
   
5. Be forgiving of yourself and others
   
6. Be generous
   
7. Have a grateful heart
   
8. Persistance, persistance, persistance.
   
9. Discipline yourself to save money even on the most modest income
   
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want ot be treated
    
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement
    
12. Commit yourself to quality
    
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possesions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.
    
14. Be loyal
    
15. Be honest
    
16. Be a self starter
    
17. Be decisive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong
    
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
    
19. Be bold and corageous. Whe you look back at you life you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
    
20. Take care of those you love
    
21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.
    

Wondering what they will do

"Some people wonder what they will do when they grow up. I'm wondering more about what I'll do when my children grow up." - Martha Carleton

5 Months of "Most Important Tasks" (MITs)

It's been 5 months now since my 50th birthday, and 5 months that I've been practicing writing down my Most Important Things (MITs) to do each morning. Here's what I've found out so far:

(1) It's not too hard to get into this habit provided you do it early each morning before staring to work on various tasks for the day, and rate yourself at the end of each day (example - finished 2 out of 3)

(2) It helps if you keep a running score for the week. For example, completing 15 out of 21 at the end of the week. This gives you additional incentive to write them down and complete them. If you fail to write down any for the day, then give yourself a score of 0 out of 3.

(3) Writing down the MITs for a day only provides minimal help if you don't actually schedule any time to do them. You also need to plan when you are going to do them. This usually means doing them before other routine tasks. Remember, they are the most important tasks for you to accomplish that day. Plan them with that attitude in mind.

(4) Choosing your MITs is a learned skill. You need to balance being realistic, pushing yourself, and being flexible. Ideally most MITs should have something to do with your long term plans, but not always. Sometimes the priority for a day has a more immediate focus. For example, for Dec 25th the single MIT for that day could be "connecting with and appreciating family members".

Thought for the Day - Life as a mission

Thought for the day:

"Life is a mission, not a career" - Stephen R. Covey,

from The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness

Books to Read

I was listening to Marc Freedman on the radio the other day being interviewed about his book Encore: Finding Work that Matters in the Second Half of Life It sounded pretty interesting, so I went and ordered it from Amazon.com. One of the wonderful little features of that web site is that it recommends similar books to the on you're ordering that you might also be interested based on what other people bought. Here are some of the interesting sounding recommendations.

Portfolio Life: The New Path to Work, Purpose, and Passion After 50 by David D. Corbett

Civic Engagement And the Baby Boomer Generation by Laura B. Wilson

After 50 It's Up To Us: Developing The Skills And Agility We'll Need by George Schofield

Don't Retire, REWIRE! by Jeri Sedlar

I have no specific recommendations on any of them, but considering that the baby boomers are now passing their 50th birthdays (like me), it's no surprise that there are a growing number of books on the market addressing this audience.

I'll report back later when I get a chance to read Encore

Making Appropriate New Year's Resolutions

Making resolutions, or setting new goals, can be done at any time. Certain "transition times", such as birthdays, the start of summer, a new school year, or retirement can be good times for resolutions and setting new goals, though they can be really done at any time. Of course the period around New Year's day is the traditional time for making new resolutions in our culture. I have a membership at a local fitness center, and those of us who are long time regulars there get a chuckle the first week in January which is always the busiest week of the year. We know that things will return to normal by the end of the month.

Finding appropriate New Year's resolutions can be a tricky thing. Ideally it should be something realistic that you can accomplish in the coming year. Consider an impressive grand goal, such as "develop a 2nd career that you can follow after you retire". That's a great goal, but one that involves many steps and spans many years. On the other extreme, consider one such as "cleaning out the basement". Another worthwhile goal, but it's something that takes much less than a year (hopefully). Neither of them are really ideal New Year's resolutions.

After giving this some thought, here are some New Year's resolutions I'm considering making. Note that I am writing these down in a public way, which helps to increase the odds that I will actually keep most of them.

Health - to enable a long active life:
- Jog at least 500 miles (something I've successfully done for the past 2 years)
- Make an appointment for a physical by January 15th
- Restrict coffee to normally at most one small cup a day

I considered "eating healthy" and "getting more sleep", but these seem too vague with no defined targets or plans to be useful resolutions in those forms.

Simplify / Unclutter My Life - allowing more focus on what's important:
- Start with the bedroom in January - remove anything not related to sleeping or dressing. Simplifying your life, not just rearranging things, can call for drastic changes ;-)
- Continue with one or more uncluttering projects per month.
- Unclutter my mind: Simplify, organize, and plan my schedule on an ongoing basis. Edit down my list of projects based on my major goals. Experiment with some new techniques to reduce and manage information overload. Learn and practice new approaches to become more patient.

Other Interests:- Become known nationally in the small but growing "Great Turning" community by participating in discussions, writing articles, giving presentations, writing in my Provocative Futures blog, and taking other initiatives.

Didn't I just say above that a goal of simplifying my life involved editing down (reducing) my list of things that I'm working on? Hmmm... not off to a great start, am I?

Making and Keeping New Year's Resolutions

It’s the time of the year when people traditionally think about New Year’s resolutions. I did some research on what the experts had to say about these resolutions and came up with some interesting thoughts I’d like to share with you.

How to fail:
1) Picking resolutions at the last minute without adequate thought, especially if they are based on what happens to be on your mind at that moment.
2) Trying to make too many resolutions
3) Pick ones that your friends want, or that seem socially proper, instead of ones that you are really internally motivated to pursue.
4) Being unrealistic and underestimating the effort required.
5) Being too abstract, or just plain frivolous. Examples include “getting fit” or “having more fun”. These are too difficult to develop a detailed plan for, especially when there’s no time frame in mind. “Winning the lottery” is another example of a frivolous goal - you cannot develop a detailed and realistic plan to accomplish it.
6) Framing your resolutions as absolutes by saying, "I will never do X again."
7) Being too critical of yourself and giving up on the resolution as a failure.

How to succeed:
1) Pick the right resolution: Your resolution statement should include why you want to make the resolution, and/or a description of the benefits you expect from achieving it. You should have a strong initial motivation to work on this resolution. Give yourself adequate time to think the resolutions through. Start well before New Year’s Eve, and don’t consider Jan 1st as a hard deadline. It’s better to take a few weeks in January to come up with the right resolutions and plans than to commit yourself to a poor resolution after 15 minutes of thought on New Year’s Eve.
2) Work on a small number at a time. Your best success rate will come if you work on one at a time.
3) Frame the goal in terms of specific things you will do on a schedule. Instead of “getting fit”, resolve to “get fit by exercising 3 times a week starting next week”.
4) Develop a specific thought-out plan for how to achieve your goal and write it down. Include sub-goals that you need to accomplish along the way, and small rewards when you achieve them. Also include plans for what you will do when you face difficulties or temporary setbacks. Have coping strategies to deal with problems that will come up.
5) Get started immediately when the motivation is high. Or if the motivation is not high, get started immediately anyway. Action will increase your motivation level and help you build momentum.
6) Don’t be an extreme perfectionists. Look at temporary failures as growth and learning experiences. The key to success is often the ability to keep going in spite of the temporary setback along the way. Remain flexible - expect that your plan can and will change.
7) Don't keep your resolutions to yourself. It helps to share your goals with friends. It builds your own resolution to succeed, and your friends can gently nudge you in the right direction when you veer off course.
8) Remind yourself every day - After a few months, a resolution has a tendency to work its way out of your mind and off your to-do list. One way to combat this is to create a simple reminder, such as writing your resolution down on a small piece of paper and tape it to the mirror in your bathroom. Do this simple action is a good way to judge how serious you really are about achieving the resolution.
9) Keep track of your progress, monitor how you’re doing, and make adjustments when necessary.


Some great links that I found helpful:
How to keep up with those New Year's resolutions,
researchers find commitment is the secret of success

New Years Resolution Results

Thoughts for the coming year

Some thoughts for the coming year:

May you get what you want, and not what you deserve.

May the good guys win.

The Dangers of Fear and Anger

One rule I learned over the years from personal experience is that you should never make decisions based on the motivations of fear or anger. This tends to lead to some very bad decisions. Things tend to work out much better in the long run when you use compassion and respect as the main factors motivating your final decisions.

There was an interesting article in the recent edition of Newsweek on the role fear plays in our politics and elections. It’s an unfortunate fact that some politicians can successfully use fear to get elected or to promote their policies. This has a serious danger of leading to some very bad decisions.

“… fear tends to overrule reason… [it] hobbles our logic and reasoning circuits. That makes fear far far more powerful than reason”

The article goes on to say that:

“And when a candidate reminds voters of their fears about one issue, it can have a powerful spillover effect: Fear that you cannot provide for your family because of an economic downturn can translate into hatred for immigrants”

So here’s the lesson for today – on a personal level do not let fear or anger run your life or drive your decisions. And on a national level do not let fear or anger drive your policy or decide your elections. Here's to hoping that in the coming elections the politics based on a vision of cooperation and compassion win out over those based on a vision of fear and anger. Experience from the last several years tells us that the later motivations tend to lead to some very bad outcomes, and I think people are open to a change.

The Meaning of Centering

I’ve heard the terms “centering” and “centering prayer” used on many occasion, but I was never sure exactly what they meant, so I did a little research.

In the Christian tradition, centering prayers were intended to quiet the mind and open oneself up to the influence of God.

In sports, centering refers to a technique for staying focused and avoiding distractions. It helps an athlete stay in the moment and release past and future thoughts, worries and plans, and redirect their focus from the negative or anxiety-causing event to the present task. This process aims to keep you in the present, help you drop any baggage you carry about performance anxiety, expectations, and worries.

Centering often works best with regular practice. It can be aided by focusing on a slow, steady pace of breathing. This is often accompanied by repeating a key word (mantra) that helps you refocus on what you want to do.

But centering also refers to achieving a sense of balance in your life as a whole. To me this means being neither too busy nor too idle, neither too excited nor lethargic, calming the emotions that are pulling you to one side of the other. Being centered means remaining calm amidst the business of everyday life, and not being diverted by stressful circumstances or negative thoughts and emotions. Being centered means both being able to focus on the present, while simultaneously keeping in mind what is truly important in the long run.

Morning Affirmations

Experienced people sometimes recommend that a great way to adjust your attitude is to start each day with a morning affirmation. The recommended time is the first thing in the morning before you get out of bed, and literally before you open you eyes if possible. I started doing this and it does seem to both improve my attitude and help me keep my priorities straight.

Most of the examples of such morning affirmations tend to be a simple sentence. I started that way, but over the course of a few months I kept adding to it. My current morning affirmation has grown to the following:

I will let compassion, respect, gratitude, and an optimistic view of a better world guide my decisions and actions today.

It's a great way to start out the morning. How can you wake up grumpy after that?

Developing a Growth Mind-set

I found a lot of useful insight in a recent article in Scientific American Mind by Carol S. Dweck. The article is titled The Secret to Raising Smart Kids, but it contains many useful comments on success and failure in general. For example, in one study it was shown that after repeated failures, most animals concluded that a situation is hopeless and beyond their control. From then on, the animals tended to remain passive even when they could affect events. They were in a state called learned helplessness. How often do we find ourselves in such a state with regards to a situation?

Now consider the attitudes in children towards successes and failures in school, in particular with their beliefs about why they fail. Children with a fixed mind-set believed intelligence was innate and fixed. Making mistakes or even the need to exert an effort was seen as a weakness, an indication that they lacked ability, which often lead to a downward spiral of further failures and learned helplessness.

Children with a growth mind-set believed that intelligence was malleable and can be improved though work and education. They viewed mistakes as something to be overcome and an opportunity to improve, as if the brain was a muscle that gets stronger with use. One inspiring student was observed to respond to a problem by pulling up a chair, rubbing his hands together, and saying “I love a challenge!” Students with such attitudes performed better academically in the long run that gifted children with the fixed mind-set.

How do you transmit a growth mind-set to children (or develop it in yourself)? They key way was to praise them for their effort, not their intelligence. Instead of saying “Wow, that’s a really good score – you must be smart”, use an alternative praise of the form “Wow, that’s a really good score – you must have worked very hard.” We can encourage similar attitudes in ourselves in a variety of fields by consciously deciding to view failures as challenging learning opportunities, and to be more proud of our efforts than our natural intelligence or skills when we do succeed. We should try to view ourselves as agents of our own brain development.

The Surprising benefits of standing and puttering around more

There's an interesting study out that claims there is a significant health benefit from simply standing up a puttering around more. Apparently when we remain sitting for long periods of time, important parts of our metabolism system pretty much shut down. Getting up and walking around exercises the big muscles in our legs and backs enough to produce a significant change. It seems that this should apply even if you exercise regularly at a gym but work in an office environment during the day.

So I'll give this try for a while. That means I'll try to establish a habit of standing up and talking a walking break every 30 minutes or so. At my office I can even use the stairs to get a little more intense activity for my legs. And although the article doesn't say this, I suspect that the time right after meals is particularly important. So a nice walk after lunch is also something I'll try to work into my routine too.

Denial - Part 1

A recent article in the NY Times about denial got me thinking about how much of a source of problems this can be for people. We all know intelligent educated people who should know better, yet continue to lead an unhealthy lifestyle. One of the most common problem seems to be poor diet habits. A friend who teaches culinary arts recently taught me about how culture and habits are the overwhelming factors determining our overall diet, and people tend to be in complete denial about the health impacts of what they chose to eat.

Lack of exercise is another big problem. So is getting a regular medical checkup. People intellectually may know that they’re mortal, but in practice they seem to live in denial of this most basic fact of nature. There is also a strong tendency to live in denial about the most basic financial law - you cannot continue to spend more money than you make forever. Sooner or later the bills come due. People seem to be in denial of this both on a personal level, and on a national level. The lack of outrage over the federal debt being run up can only be described as a population living in complete denial of what is happening.

Denial is a psychological device that lets people avoid making changes, or facing anything unpleasant. Living a more effective life requires that we recognize denial when it start happening and takes steps to overcome it and address the problems that we are trying to avoid. How to recognize it and overcome it are topics for future postings.

So should our goal be to live a life completely free of denial? That may seem worthwhile, but the NY Times article referred to above actually suggest that denial has its positive aspects in some select cases. This has to do with the ability to overlook problems and minor transgressions in small group settings. In particular, denial can be very useful when overlooking small problems with your spouse in order to maintain a healthy relationship. So the real challenge is how to recognize unhealthy denial and overcome it.

10 Career Killers to Avoid - part 2

Thomas Hoffman has an interesting article in Computerworld on 10 Career Killers to Avoid. Here are some more interesting thoughts that are worth exploring (part 2)


6. Believing You Knowing all the answers. "... Winners remain unceasingly interested in learning new ideas and approaches. Asking a lot of questions is a hallmark of great leaders" [ Remember, the world keeps changing and that rate of change is increasing. Learning needs to be a life long process, now more than ever. ]

7. Surrounding yourself with "brown-nosers." - Get a good set of friends and advisers that can give you honest views on how you're doing, and good advice when you face difficult decisions.

8. Forgetting to give credit to others. - Your reputation for honesty and integrity will impact how much people are willing to work with you.

9. Failing to self-promote. "Bragging is one thing, but letting colleagues throughout your industry know of your success is quite another" [In any career, I've always maintained that it's your own responsibility to keep your manager informed of what you're doing, the problems you've overcome, and your successes. Finding a way to document or report these to others is also a good idea. Now, if I could just learn how to better promote this blog... I guess that's an important "to-do" task for me.]


10. Losing perspective. "Despite your best attempts to do everything right, sometimes you approach roadblocks and seek the advice and perspective of a respected friend or colleague... Don't forget the reasons why the business exists, why you're in this business, and what you intended to accomplish when you entered this industry. You need to be excited about what it is you're doing, and you need to put more enthusiasm into what it is you're doing. If you're not looking forward to getting out of bed in the morning, you're working on a downward trend"

10 Career Killers to Avoid - part 1

Thomas Hoffman has an interesting article in Computerworld on 10 Career Killers to Avoid There are some interesting thoughts here that are worth exploring.

1. Failing to have a life plan. "This is the No. 1 biggest mistake that I run into with my clients.... Three life aspects to focus on include one's career, personal and family, and financial goals.... this plan should be written down. Only 14% of people do that."

2. Not keeping your skills current. "The business landscape is ever-changing..." [In other words, learning should be a life long activity]

3. Failing to deliver results "... Those who harbor a sense of entitlement for simply having put forth effort are guaranteed to fall by the wayside...becoming preoccupied with creating greater efficiency may be a short-term solution to helping the bottom line, but it doesn't help the organization to grow...Great leadership is all about asking questions." [ I would add that delivering important and valuable results is the key, both in your career and in life]

4. Confusing efficiency with effectiveness. "Those who think that communicating via e-mail replaces the need to actually talk with people around them fail to recognize the importance of personally connecting with others in today's highly automated and technological environment. Communicating in person whenever possible is imperative for success-seekers." [Sending off a quick email with a question is a bad habit that I have fallen into at times. Experience has shown that a personal conversation it often a much more effective way to communicate.]

5. Believing that you are irreplaceable. "There is no room for divas in the workplace [or life]. Comparing notes with others in the organization helps keep people grounded. It helps anyone in the organization to have different trusted advisers' perspective on what's going on and how their performance is being viewed." [In other words, remember the value of being humble and trying to learn from others]

More later....

Having a "Research Attitude"

After working for many years in a development environment, I transferred to a research department last year. After working there for one year I had a discussion with my manager about how I was doing. I commented that I didn't feel like I had changed to a research organization - it's as if I was still doing the same style of work I had been doing in development. His reply was yes, I was still working as if I was in a development group. Specifically, I was working on projects as if I had to succeed on almost everything I did, and if I didn't, I had to explain why I screwed up.

He went on to remind me that in a research organization, you have to be more aggressive at taking risks to explore new ideas. He wanted me to come back at the end of the year and list the 5 big projects I worked on that failed (and if I had maybe 3 that succeeded that would be good too). What great advise! That really produced a change in the way I started viewing things.

I started wondering if there were phases or areas of life that corresponded to research and some that corresponded to development. Starting and supporting a new family has some similarities to development. While there can be periods in college or early adulthood that call for more of a research attitude as far as aggressively exploring new ideas. There may also be times later in life when things start to stagnate or plateau which also call for some more aggressive pursuing of new ideas. In some cases perhaps this might correspond to the infamous mid-life crisis.

Other situations corresponding to transitions or reaching former goals may also call for more of a "research attitude" when it comes to exploring what to do next or what changes to make. The key lesson for today is that trying things that don't work out is supposed to be part of the process of moving forward.